Floating flower
in the sky.
Kiss me with your
Petal wings---
READS . THAT GIRL . SPEAK . MEMORIES .
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
08:39
sometimes it feels so nice there's someone there for you. sometimes you just want to bear the pain all alone. at least the pain gives you a break from the mundane life you lead. maybe it isnt so bad to live with the pain. afterall, wht's life w/o the pain right? besides, the pain's not alwys there. gotta learn to to love it all the same (: haha sometimes you think thgs'll turn out all right. sometimes you think tt even if thgs arent tt grt now, it'll soon be. sometimes you love tt feeling of hot saline running down your cheeks like there's no tmr. sometimes you wish tt sting wld go away. and whn it comes to morning n you see the puffiness in your eyes, you wish agn you hadnt cried at all. but i kinda like the feeling. tt nice warm feeling running down my face. and then i marvel at how the body reacts physically to feelings tt happen psychologically. marvel at how sth to psychological can cause sth so physical. marvel at how a pain can cause such instantaneous reactions. and then marvel at how much tears my eyes can produce. and finally marvel at how fast ive used up tt box of tissue (: haha. it's nice. in a morbid kinda way. probably. no, im not depressed. had a talk with mum the other day. or rather she talked to me (: she says ive been a lot more moody and sad this yr. nvr felt so tho. ended up crying like shit more (: ha. i guess it was cos i was getting ppr back. or maybe it is true tt i was happier last yr or sth (: but i hv to admit, im a lot more crazy in class this yr. just ask amelia :D or maybe it's an unconscious facade im putting up. i dontknw. (: but im fine. it's just life getting a lil to me. tt's all. everyone goes through it some time. i think. yeaa. it's funny how you'd think tt speaking to someone close to you abt the most personal thgs is easier. but whn in truth i feel tt telling someone i dont rly knw or am close to abt all my personal stuff is so much easier. i must say im not one who expresses my inner most feelings much. you can nvr count on my outer appearance abt my inner feelings. more often than not im just acting for the sake of the occasion. life is fragile. you'd think tt life sucks. but really, it's the world tt sucks. ok maybe not the world, but certain ppl in it. you knw? it's funny how skeptical i was abt blogging before i started blogging. i thot it was dumb to put all your feelings out here, tell the whole world and stuff. but now, it dsnt seem tt big of a deal. oh yes, back to the pt abt me not expressing my feelings. ive got a habit of writing in a personal diary. dad says it's because of tt tt i dnt express my feelings to ppl very much. i dnt think so. ok nvm. this may be random. but at least u can see the train of my thoughts. mm.. im lking forward to the end of the yr. so much more thgs happening. i dont knw why me saying i didnt want to go to sch was such a cause of concern for mum. but i guess im really glad tt i have parents who care abt lil thgs like these. even if it gets on my nerves once in a while. it becomes understandable whn you think deeper n u put urself in their shoes. it beats hving no one to care abt you. i'd rather my mum nag at me every day than hv her not care abt whether i even exist. i'd rather be given curfews than be allowed to stay out as late as i wish n not hv her care abt whether im safe or not. this sounds crazy but yeaa, i'd rather it tt way. at least i knw she cares. mm. tt was really random. ok. enough. im done.